Abdicate (v.) To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidently walked through a spider web.
Balderdash (n.) A rapidly receding hairline.
Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Bustard (n.) A very rude Metrobus driver.
Carcinoma (n.) A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Caterpallor (n.) The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
Circumvent (n.) The opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Coffee (n.) A person who is coughed upon.
Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Dopelar Effect (n.) The tendancy of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
Esplanade(v.) To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented on. Also known as ET'ry.
Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is
Flabbergasted (adj.) Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence (n.) The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Gargoyle (n.) An olive-flavored mouthwash.
Grantarctica (n.) The cold, isolated place where arts companies
without funding dwell.
Hence faunacatering (n.), which has made a meal of many species.
Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world.
Intaxication (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Internet(n.) The web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton.
Kinstipation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.
Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and
prevents you fr fro ffromm zzzzzz
Lymph (v.) To walk with a lisp.
Macadam (n.) The first man on Earth, according to the Celtic bible.
Marionettes (n.) Residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.
Negligent (adj.) Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Oyster (n.) A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
Rectitude (n.) The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Semantics (n.) Pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
Testicle (n.) A humorous question to an exam.
TwoTesTicles (n.) What every "Tickle Me Elmo" Doll gets when it leaves the factory.
Willy-nilly (adj.) Impotent.