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  • Abdicate (v.) To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  • Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidently walked through a spider web.
  • Balderdash (n.) A rapidly receding hairline.
  • Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
  • Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  • Bustard (n.) A very rude Metrobus driver.
  • Carcinoma (n.) A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
  • Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
  • Caterpallor (n.) The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
  • Circumvent (n.) The opening in the front of boxer shorts.
  • Coffee (n.) A person who is coughed upon.
  • Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
  • Dopelar Effect (n.) The tendancy of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
  • Esplanade(v.) To attempt an explanation while drunk.
  • Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented on. Also known as ET'ry.
  • Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed.
  • Flabbergasted (adj.) Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
  • Flatulence (n.) The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
  • Gargoyle (n.) An olive-flavored mouthwash.
  • Grantarctica (n.) The cold, isolated place where arts companies without funding dwell.
  • Hence faunacatering (n.), which has made a meal of many species.
  • Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world.
  • Intaxication (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
  • Internet(n.) The web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton.
  • Kinstipation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.
  • Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you fr fro ffromm zzzzzz
  • Lymph (v.) To walk with a lisp.
  • Macadam (n.) The first man on Earth, according to the Celtic bible.
  • Marionettes (n.) Residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.
  • Negligent (adj.) Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
  • Oyster (n.) A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
  • Rectitude (n.) The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
  • Semantics (n.) Pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
  • Testicle (n.) A humorous question to an exam.
  • TwoTesTicles (n.) What every "Tickle Me Elmo" Doll gets when it leaves the factory.
  • Willy-nilly (adj.) Impotent.





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